I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize