I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
