the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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