I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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