apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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