I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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