I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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