i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
