Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
