Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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