remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
