Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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