i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
