And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
