Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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