walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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