oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
