Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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