i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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