god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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