I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
