last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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