put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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