So gin and wine won't be happening again
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
