Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
