Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
