My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
