I wish I only lived at night.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
