doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
