im drinking this country out of the recession.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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