my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
