i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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