I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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