My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
