mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
