I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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