This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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