Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
