Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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