I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
