saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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