Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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