Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
