Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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