Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
