She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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