i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
