just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
