I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
