Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
