Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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