In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
