Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
