....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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