No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
