Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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