apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
