I must be too annoying 4 u.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
