you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
