pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
