You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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