four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
