Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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