I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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