Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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