I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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